Chris Rock @ the Paramount
Mirabelle and Leonard had extra tickets to see Chris Rock last Friday. Luckily they thought of inviting me. I've never been to the Paramount Theater in Oakland but it's a lovely venue. Reminds me of old Hollywood or downtown Las Vegas, especially when you see it light up in the early evening. Very surreal since this part of downtown Oakland clears out once the work crowd heads home. The theater iteself is done up in ruby and gold tones, with plush seating and great lighting. They needed a few more bartenders as the lines were insane. I downed an entire glass of champagne in under a minute thinking I couldn't bring the drinks inside. Um no, you totally can.
Here are some of the quotes from his act:
1. "My kid is spoiled. He asked me for a new bike the other day. I told him HELL NOES! Your daddy never had a bike. I was sooo POOR…I was 9 years old before I reached your age... of 5."
2. "Why is McCain running? McCain was too old to become president 10 years ago. He’ll be dead before seeing the effects of his policies."
3. "The only thing we can be guaranteed of when Hilary becomes president? She can forgive like no one else."
4. "How is Hilary going to handle becoming president? Man, imagine having to sit in that oval office where your husband got #$&*%*$&%. She’d redecorate that shit into the rectangle office."
5. "Barak can’t become president because that means we’ll have a black woman as first lady. And that ain’t EVER going to happen. Yea I said it! In OAKLAND too. Booyah...
Now lemme tell you why… It’s because all black women want to be president. “You ain’t gonna tell me what to do. We become president together. Oh and make sure Keaky is Secretary of Defense. She can fight!”
6. "I face racism every day. Every day. I live in this beautiful gated community in New Jersey…in a nice multi-million dollar home. There are four black people in this community. FOUR: Mary J Blige, Jay Z, me and Denzel Washington. Each one them, exceptional.
Mary, the hip-hop and R&B queen. Jay Z, needs no introduction. Me, I did the Oscars. And Denzel Washington, one of THE best black actors in the world.
And do you know who lives next to me?
Some white DENTIST!! That’s right. Just a plain ol’, yank your teeth out dentist. Ain’t no plain ol’ black dentist ever getting into that community without millions. Not unless he starts performing some miracles too."
Comments